A Bad Feeling

I'll get straight to the point - there's 3 days before I test and as much as I WANT and pray for that stupid test to be positive, I have a very, very bad feeling that it will not. Why, you ask? Well, this morning I felt a tiny hint of cramping. And I know what that means - evil AF is looming near. I wish that if she is coming indeed, she'll at least be one day late so I will have the opportunity to test on Wed. morning with my last shred of hope. My boobs are still very sore like someone squeezed them really hard. I have been studying them, in hopes of finding something unusual (darker areola, bumps around the areola, extra prominent veins), but not.one.single.thing is out of place. (Note: since I'm fair-skinned, I already have many large, green, nasty-looking veins running all over my chest - I was hoping that more had appeared or at least they got nastier, but no such luck.)

The good thing about all this is that I have prepared myself for the best and the worst. If a miracle should happen and I end up PG, I will cry the entire day out of happiness. And if a tragedy should happen and I end up not PG, I will cry the entire day out of misery. Either way, a lot of crying is in the plan. But don't worry, folks. This gal has LOTS of tears stored away for immediate demand. Sometimes, they even flow freely for no reason. I guess it's no wonder I feel and look like I retain a lot of water - I need it for all the crying moments in my life (which has been plentiful lately.)

*****

As I mentioned previously, yesterday, we went house-hunting for our very first home. We looked at 7 homes and only saw two that we really liked. They were brand-new and large (2,600 and 3,000 sq ft) for less than $167,000 each, BUT being that they are in a spanking new development, we won't get more than five feet of backyard and we simply can't accept that. We love to entertain and must have a decent-sized yard. Plus, I want enough space to put an above-ground swimming pool in and enough space for my kid(s) (yeah, I know - what kids?) to run around and play. Call me crazy but I'm looking for a house that my future kid(s) will also love and be able to utilize as well as L. and I. (Hey, if I'm still thinking about kids, I guess that's a good sign, right?)